DISCLAIMER: Everything that I am about to write is coming strictly from MY personal experience, advice from medical professionals and therapists, and things I learned from observing those around me. Nothing I write about in this article is proven fact. The sole purpose of this piece of writing is to hopefully help someone who may be struggling. I do not intend to speak over any one else’s experience, but rather offer and bring light to an experience less spoken about.

Introduction.

Gender Dysphoria. Where do I even begin? Well, for starters, I was officially diagnosed with this condition on May 29th, 2019. After what seemed like a lifetime of struggling, confusion and self-hatred, I was finally receiving medical attention for the one thing about my mental health that seemed impossible to deal with. I started HRT the week after, June 5th, and I’ve been in therapy since March of 2019.

Today is February 12th, 2020, and I am nearing the end of my HRT journey. I have learned so many things along the way that have not only changed, but saved my life. I am a strong believer in sharing experiences with hopes of helping even just one person out there that may be going through something similar.

With this piece of writing, I intend to be as respectful as possible while still being honest about my opinions and observations. This article is in no way diminishing the life-changing affects of HRT and surgery. This piece is targeted for the person who wants to open up their mind to the possibility of self-help, self-love, and growth. I understand not everyone has an open mind about GD, but maybe after reading this, I can inspire someone to embark on a more positive journey.

You might be asking, “well, what’s positive about being trans”? While I understand where that question is coming from, I’d like to offer a counter question and ask you “well, what’s negative about trying your hardest to make the best out of a shitty situation”?

All that said, I’d like to open up the field of conversation about different ways to manage gender dysphoria that include but are NOT limited to HRT or surgery. I personally feel that we glorify surgery and HRT as being a fix-all solution to gender dysphoria. This continued glorification harms trans and/or gender questioning youth because they can sometimes feel pressured to transition too soon or they make haste decisions in fear of being called a “trender”.

I would like to argue and present evidence supporting the ideas that the glorification of HRT and surgery are not the only (or even the best) ways to manage GD, but rather are just part of a PLETHORA of things that one can do to make their experience with GD less harsh. I am certain that if we shone the same amount of light on the idea that we are not just miserable products of GD, but rather capable, strong, and important human beings , we will quickly learn that we ARE able to manage it by getting educated, getting positive, getting active, getting help and of course HRT and surgery, if one so chooses.

Argument.

To start, I want to point out that one of the biggest things I’ve noticed about the trans community is that, in my opinion, there is a comfort in being miserable. There is something about dooming yourself to being unhappy, alone, and in anguish for the entirety of one’s existence that we all have collectively become comfortable with. This opinion of mine isn’t coming out of the blue; take a look at social media. There have been countless of times that I’ve been scrolling through Twitter and someone is getting shot down because they are either being positive about their situation as a trans person or trying to provide another side to the trans story. It’s sad.

A few days ago, I posted a thread about other ways I’ve learned to manage GD that do not include HRT or surgery. I feel that this is important because not every trans person has access to HRT and surgery. In that case, I can see why so many of us feel like there is no hope; it’s because we don’t talk about other ways to try to alleviate GD. HRT and surgery always seems to be the end goal yet do we stop being trans after these procedures? Nope. Similarly, I’ve observed trans people that have “fully transitioned” or are medically transitioning and are still miserable. I would like to propose that aside from societal influences, a big reason for this post-transition misery is because we place all of our chips in these procedures that aren’t meant to be cure-alls.

Now I’d like to share some things that you can implement into your lifestyle to help yourself manage your gender dysphoria. These things can be used in supplement of HRT and surgery, or they can 100% be used all on their own.

Get Educated!

One of the best things I’ve done for myself was to get educated on GD in as many ways as I could. When you understand something to the best of your ability, you no longer fear it. It becomes more tangible, and in turn, more manageable. Some ways to get educated are talking to your local therapists, psychiatrists, reading articles online, grabbing a copy of the DSM-5, and learning from the experiences of other trans folk. Keep in mind, GD and being trans in general, is still something we as humans are learning so much about, so keep up to date with new scientific findings to broaden your scope of knowledge. Also, realize that not all therapists and psychatrists are knowledgable on GD or are trans-friendly, so try to do your research on who you speak with. Get different opinions and use your own discretion to formalute an understanding that helps you progress. Similiary, make sure to do research on the sources of articles that you read online or elsewhere.

Once I got educated on what GD is, what it means to have GD, and what options were available to me as treatments, I became less scared and powerless over my entire being. I grew confident that GD is something I could manage just like any of my other mental illnesses. This is not to say that GD is similar to anything else I’ve ever experienced, but the basic knowledge that IS a condition that can in FACT be treated took so much power away from GD and in turn the ball is now in MY court. Remember, you are in charge of your body and soul!

Get Positive!

For some of us with GD, the discomfort it brings is often matched with self loathing in general. We think we are in the wrong bodies; we feel as if the skin we are in is not for us. This begins the spiral that can be almost impossible to stop. However, I have faith that intentionally forcing a positive mindset about who you are can eventually lead to some relief. Faking it until you make it is actually a tool that I’ve used in many areas of my life.

When you have the thoughts that you are in the wrong body, counter attack them with thoughts of respect for yourself as a human being. Counter attack them with respect for your flesh, as it is the house to your very essence and it allows you to do so many amazing things every day. If you’re reading this, that means you woke up this morning. Your body did that; how amazing! Remember that meal that you had that was so delicious? Your taste buds allowed you to enjoy that! The feeling of hugs, the sound of your favorite song. The sensation of touch… these are all amazing things that our bodies allow us to enjoy. Remember that your body is YOURS and it is 100% unique. Think about how many people are on this planet; there’s only ONE of you. It is not at the fault of your body or at the fault of yourself that you have an incongruence. Dysphoria is a nasty thing that tries to get us down, but when you are able to pull yourself up, you WIN!

When you feel dysphoric, remind yourself that you are so much more than your flesh. Remind yourself of the differences between SEX and GENDER. Your parts do NOT determine your gender. A lot of us pressure ourselves to present as male or female as possible. Not even cis people do that. No one walks around with their privates, chromosomes, or innards on display. PRESENT AS YOU. YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH MORE CONFIDENT.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out and say you need help. Let someone you trust know that you are struggling, and you would like some words of encouragement. If you feel like you have no one, message me.

Get Active!

The BIGGEST change in my mindset came when I became active. It’s simple science really. Exercise or physical activity releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin. These natural chemicals directly affect your mental health by lifting your mood. What happened to me was that my level of depression decreased dramatically, and in turn, my head was clearer. So, at times when I started feeling dysphoric, I now had a clearer mind and was able to process those feelings and rationalize with myself. Thanks to physical activity, I am now able to notice when I’m about to have a dysphoric fit and start actively combating it instead of letting myself sink deeper into the loathing.

What I personally started doing to get more active was going on long walks with my fiancé. It’s free, it’s simple and it’s fun! Explore your neighborhood, go on a nature hike. If you can’t go on walks, do some activity in your house! Create a fun dance to your favorite song, do some jumping jacks, pace the length of your home!

There are so many fun and free ways to get active. Of course, there is also going to the gym. I personally get so anxious about gyms, but I’d love to share the story of my friend Rhys!

“Working out helped alleviate my GD pre-T. Exercise is a powerful thing, it can do so much for you like giving a consistent sense of accomplishment. [FOR FTM] Exercising can masculinise your body, boost natural T levels, make your chest smaller, helping you pass, improve body confidence, etc! A good example of using working out to alleviate GD is building up your shoulders so your waist looks smaller and then you end up with the ‘Dorito back’ which is very masculine, in my opinion! Culturally, from personal experience, it was really reaffirming to share gym culture with other men. It was something a lot of us could relate to, making protein shakes, going to the gym, bragging about our biceps or whatever, and seeing other guys’ bodies and getting inspired! I was never introduced to this in ‘female’ culture though I was still a tomboy. But just having the hobby enabled me to have something *in common* with a lot of men. My biggest fitness inspiration is Ajay Holbrook, the FTM body builder. I found that through going to the gym, I could see monthly improvements that somewhat mimicked T updates (only in the way that there was something new about my body each month like broader shoulders for example) .“

Rhys’s story is truly inspiring. He shared some great tips for FTMs or people looking to alleviate dysphoria by masculinizing their body. I wish I had the same amount of tips for MTFs or people looking to feminize, but one thing DOES ring true for ANY gender– working out gives you pride and respect for your body! We are all at different points in our journey with our bodies and health so do what is suitable for you and bask in the good vibes and progress! If there are any transwomen out there that are willing to share their journeys with being active and fighting dysphoria, please contact me!

Get Help!

Piggybacking off of getting educated, an amazing place to start your transition is with therapy! Unfortunately, not everyone has access to affordable or even any therapy at all, but for those that do, I highly recommend a therapist, whether cis or trans, that is knowledgable on not only the social impacts of being trans, but also the medical and mental impacts. Therapy has so many times helped me to redirect my vicious self-loathing and dysphoric thoughts.

For those that don’t have access to therapy, there are therapeutic things you can do to mimic the affects! With a simple google search, you can find articles like this one “Self-Help Techniques For Coping With Mental Illness” (https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2019/Self-Help-Techniques-for-Coping-with-Mental-Illnes) that lists techniques you can do in the comfort of your home (or virtually anywhere) to help relieve yourself of mental anguish, even if just temporarily. Remember, getting yourself out of a GD-ridden headspace is a HUGE accomplishment and something to be celebrated. However you do it, remember to dwell on the fact that you overcame that moment and let that be a positive reinforcement to do it again and again!

One of my favorite techniques mentioned in the article is deep breathing. Deep breathing often helps my fiancé Parker when he’s getting dressed and just happens to glance at the mirror and GD kicks in. Getting dressed used to be one of the toughest things for him to do on the day to day basis. It would take hours before he could settle on a simple top and bottom that he didn’t hate himself in. Sometimes, it would get so bad that even after hours of attempting to get ready to go out, he would just give up and cancel his plans. This is debilitating.

I’ve seen so much progress in Parker since he’s implemented deep breathing. He’s made it a practice that as soon as he starts feeling the waves of GD hit, he will stop what he’s doing and start the breathing. In through the nose — hold it — and out through the mouth. Delivering fresh oxygen to the brain allows you to think clearer and in a more positive manner. Again, simple science!

The photo above is a photo my fiancé took pre-t. Something as simple as being confident enough, even if just for a moment, to take a photo of his body is HUGE for him. My fiancé is someone who’s dysphoria is very crippling, yet, even pre-t, he was able to implement his breathing technique into the scary situation of getting dressed and PREVAIL. I am confident that once you find out what works for you, you’d be able to do the same. I’m rooting for you!

To Sum It Up….

I want to remind people suffering from or experiencing gender dysphoria that you CAN push through. This doesn’t have to be the end of your life. You have so much to learn, and so much growing to do. I don’t know why you were dealt this hand in life, and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for everything you’re going through, but I want you to know that this is your chance to rise up and show just how strong you are. Imagine taking a hike when you feel like your hips are too wide and ending up at the edge of a beautiful lake you didn’t even know existed in your town. Imagine stopping to breathe when you feel like your face is too masculine and realizing there is beauty in all of it’s angles. You HAVE the power to do this. I know you may not feel like this power resides inside of you because GD can be quite the painful and agonizing experience, but the fact that you’re still here proves to me that you are a fighter. I hope you choose to take the words in this article and fit them into your life to make them work for you! Again, I’m not trying to convince you to not go on HRT or to not get that surgery, I’m trying to convince you that YOU are magical, and you don’t even know it.