Sometimes, we learn to cope.

Recently, I did an interview with Robyn Lilith, a drag queen from Canada! Today, I got to interview their lovely partner, Ronnie! Let’s learn how Ronnie was able to work through their gender discovery!

Ronnie on IG

Hi Ronnie! Thanks so much for chatting with me today. Can you introduce yourself to readers and tell us a little bit about you?

Hi love! Yes of course. My names Ronnie, I’m seventeen years old and I live in Ontario Canada. I’m currently a high school student studying visual arts and SFX makeup. My own work is very influenced by horror movies and superhero comics. I identify as Queer and genderqueer and use they/ them pronouns.

Nice! So, you are fairly young! Tell me more about how you found yourself at this young age.

I’ve always kind of known I was queer. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved both men and woman and everything in between (Thanks to Sharkboy and Lavagirl) and my family has lots of queer people in it, so I grew up with it very normalized. I never really had too much of a hard experience finding myself sexuality-wise. I just knew I liked people. Gender was a different story. I was very dysphoric growing up but I didn’t know what that was and I just thought I was upset with my body like every other preteen girl was. I never felt fully female, I always got on better with guys and liked to play with toys more geared towards boys than girls. When I learned about what being transgender was I was super excited and didn’t learn what it fully meant and dove right into that label when I was about 12 years old. During that time I used only he/him pronouns and went by a different name than I do now. But through all the years of identifying that way, it made me feel even more dysphoric than before and it confused me. It was only in the last 2 years that I realized that I’m not a boy, nor a girl. I don’t like labels when it comes to gender and I like to just exist as a person. I feel most comfortable with the word ‘Genderqueer’ and going but gender-neutral words, names, and pronouns.

Love this! So do you still consider yourself transgender? Can you tell me a little more about that experience? I recently watched a stream about detransitioning. To me, and this can just be my interpretation, but the detransitioned woman made it seem as though being trans doesn’t really exist, and that we are all free to just express ourselves in a fluid way. Thoughts on that?

I don’t consider myself transgender and I also don’t consider myself cisgender. I know that when I label myself, I force myself into a box and try to conform to the stereotypes and exact definition of that label. I almost try to force myself to follow rules when I label myself and it does nothing but worsen my dysphoria and overall mental well being. I believe that being trans does exist. Some people do feel 100% about their gender identity and that’s great. Not everyone is fluid in how they feel and that’s okay. Personally, I just don’t fit that role and I tend to be more fluid.

Got it! That’s an interesting take on things! Tell me more about your relationship with Robyn!

My relationship with Robyn is good. They’re lovely and very respectful of my boundaries, gender identity, and the restrictions I have from past trauma. I don’t really think either of our identities really play any role in our relationship. We’re just two people who love each other, doing our own thing. We sometimes talk to each other about dysphoria and dysmorphia when we need to vent or just talk about it but that’s the only time our identities have come up relationship wise.

Ronnie and Robyn

Awesome! This sounds very strong and powerful and I’m sure it gives hope to a lot of genderqueer folks out there. I’m glad you mentioned the words “dysphoria” and “dysmorphia”! Can you explain the difference?

Mhm! Body Dysmorphia is more of an anxiety disorder in which the person worries very heavily about their physical appearance and often have distorted views of their own body. Dysphoria, on the other hand, is a medical condition where someone feels discomfort, distress and sometimes even hatred for their biological sex and body since it doesn’t match their gender identity. They’re often confused. I personally don’t think I really experience body dysmorphia but I definitely experience dysphoria. I’m dysphoric every day. I’m a heavier person and it doesn’t bother me for the reason that I’m worried about what my body looks like. It bothers me that my hips, thighs, and chest are big and curvy and stand out against my smaller waist which gives a very traditionally womanly or hourglass type figure. This doesn’t match my gender identity which is much more androgynous or masculine.

Got it! How do you deal with dysphoria on the day to day basis and what do you do to try your best to alleviate it (or at least live comfortably)?

I tend to keep my hair short and my clothes more androgynous and baggy. It helps me feel more comfortable with my body. I also tend to avoid wearing colours I don’t know what about it helps me feel less dysphoric but it does.

Totally valid. Everyone’s brain works differently and whatever you can do to help yourself is valid! You mentioned you were trans when you were around 12. Is this around the time you started hitting puberty? Tell us about how your body changing affected your identity! What did that feel like?

I actually hit puberty a quite a bit earlier. I started developing when I was 10. But during puberty, I was definitely experiencing dysphoria. I hated that my chest was getting bigger and periods felt very wrong. I felt like I shouldn’t be having them since I never really fully felt like a woman

At that young age, we often don’t have the knowledge to express what we are feeling to our caregivers. Were you able to be open with your family or did you keep your feelings to yourself?

No, not necessarily. Around the time I came out, I was actually in a very abusive home situation. My mother’s husband at the time was a very emotionally manipulative and abusive man who was obsessed with having power over me. When I came out, he used that to attack me in any way possible, call me things like “little girl” or she/ her or deadnamed me just to make me upset. For years I felt very isolated. So, I had to do a lot of the transitioning myself. My mom finally left him when I was about 14 and that’s when I was able to talk to her to help me through my process of gender discovery and has been very understanding, respectful and helpful.

You are such a strong person! Though it started off rocky, I am so glad that your family, or your mother, has your back. Now that you are older, what are some things you’ve learned about gender, in general, that you didn’t know before?

Thank you so much, I appreciate that. I think the most important thing I learned is that you don’t need to label yourself and conform to the norm. Gender is fluid and you can identify however you want to.

Nice. I would love to talk about sexuality now! Do you feel like it plays a role in your identity at all?

Yeah, I believe it does. I don’t feel like being queer defines who I am as a person in the slightest but it’s a big part of my social life obviously. I tend to surround myself with other queer people and of course my partner. But I am who I am and queer is a part of that.

Lovely! Tell us more about some of your art; this can include drag!

My drag is very new and it’s more inspired by my visual art. I’m fascinated with horror and comics so I love to draw characters and give them backstories and plots. I also have this infatuation with clowns and constantly find myself drawing them or painting them on my face. Sometimes more on the cute side and some times full-blown horror. I’m really into SFX makeup and hope to be able to work on movies as a makeup artist in the future. I do everything from simple cosplay inspired looks to full gore transformations.

Ohhhhhh fun! Tell me about some of your favorite cosplays!!

I haven’t been cosplaying recently because I am very very broke but my favourite one I have done is Jessica Riley from Until Dawn which is a horror video game. I also really liked my quick test of RK900 from Detroit Become Human, which is another video game and I’m currently working on a cosplay for Asra The Arcana from the phone game The Arcana.

Nice! So when you cosplay as either gender, do you feel any dysphoria? I’ve met some people that have a hard time dressing up as their birth gender if they don’t identify with it. I would have to say I’m very in the middle. When I am in drag, I am working and acting so I can easily dissociate but I can also see how others may not be able to disassociate.

In cosplay, I feel no dysphoria since I’m not myself, I’m someone else. I see myself as that character, not me dressed up as a certain gender!

Have you seen a shift in your mental health after you came to terms with your body vs your gender identity? Have you become stronger or weaker?

Yeah, I’ve become better. My mental health used to be insanely bad but when I decided to stop trying to label myself and just let myself be the queer person I am, I’ve gotten so much healthier mentally. I’m doing really well as of late too. Just fully happier.

I am so glad to hear this! It’s truly refreshing to find someone in this community that is comfortable within themselves! Well, I feel like we’ve all learned a lot today. Thank you for your time. Any closing words/thoughts for the readers?

Yeah, there’s one thing I like to say. For the people who are questioning or confused or unhappy with their identity: don’t focus on labels. Just be you, trust me it will be so freeing. Thank you for interviewing me I had a lot of fun chatting with you!